We Are All Difficult - So Build a Heart to Take the High Road

Every leader, every day, deals with difficult people.  And yes, you as a leader are also at times difficult to deal with.  Let’s face it, we are all very complex creatures - we have egos, we have blind spots, and we do things that will inevitably annoy others.  For some, developing the heart to deal with complexity in ourselves and others is an energizing life journey.  For others, it is demotivating, accompanied by painful memories of remorse, self-doubt, and denial.  As a leader, you can build and condition your heart to take the high road in handling adversity in relationships.  I suggest three critical mindsets to take you to a higher order of thinking and acting.

Mindset One:  Integrate, don’t split.  Peter Drucker said the job of a manager is to, “identify the strengths of the people you lead and focus on these.”  Rarely is a person the complete embodiment of “jerkiness.”  If you think someone is completely messed up, that leads to arrogance and anger on your part, and you fail to see any short comings in yourself…it’s always the other person’s fault.  Cultivate the mindset of asking,  “What is the core strength of this individual?”  “How can I appreciate and leverage these strengths?” 

Integrate the good and the bad, the strengths and the weaknesses, into one whole view of a person.  For instance, I’ve done a great deal of work with entrepreneurs.  Many of them have been over confident, have high drives to be in control, appear wonderful when you first meet them, and as time goes by, they are fearful of sharing, want to remain in control, and lack insight into their own idealized views of who they are. In other words, they can be really hard to deal with.  If I focus on the negatives, I will make no progress in being of help.  If I focus on their positives, such as the willingness to take risk, a relentless drive to never say die, and a great ability to cast a positive vision that others want to follow, then I can bring awareness to the entrepreneurs of what they are missing in key situations.  If the leaders don’t know I appreciate their strengths, they will never trust me with their weaknesses. 

Mindset Two:  Don’t condemn differences in personality style —  affirm these differences.  As I  like to say in coaching situations, “Opposites attract, they just don’t always get along.”  A principle in human relations is that the greater the difference, the greater the probability the relationship will go sideways.  In fact, extreme opposites often find that their relationships become debilitating, both in marriage and in work.  For instance,  if you are a high control, direct, and high goal oriented individual dealing with a more impulsive “cat like” personality that loves independence, there is a high probability each of you will begin seeing the “negative” traits of the other.  At this point it’s easy to become judgmental and describe behaviors as “dysfunctional” and “counter productive”.  Learning to affirm your differences in style is critical.  Your relationships become what you can see in others and build up, not tear down.  I co-authored  an instrument called Your Style of Influence, which has helped countless teams understand vast differences in style.  The assessment often creates the “big  aha” - people see why they are fighting, and can then transform conflict into a productive exchange of complimentary strengths.  

The third mindset is the most critical and I will take it up in my next leadership post coming out early next week.  

Please - write your comments below if you want to add some color to what I’ve said here.  It’s always appreciated by me and by others.   

The Power of Questions at the Front Line

I write to transformational leaders — or those who aspire to be one — because you are the catalysts for change.  Transformational leaders have internalized the power of connectedness.  As a part of gaining mastery, you have to get out of the office and engage ….   all while communicating very high standards of excellence.  Evaluate yourself against three powerful questions that can transform you as a leader - 

Get out of your office and ask, “How can I help you?”

Doug Conant, while he was CEO of Campbell Soup Company, knew that if he was going to transform the company culture, he had to get out on the front lines and ask the simple question, “How can I help you?”  He asked it continually of his employees, his suppliers, and his customers.  In his excellent book, TouchPoints, he outlines how Campbell Soup Company went from a culture of low engagement to a culture of high engagement.  On Doug’s first day at work, a company wide meeting was held to introduce him as CEO.  Doug made a promise that became known as the Campbell Promise:  Campbell Valuing People, People Valuing Campbell.  He knew that leaders must show they care about the employees’ agenda before employees would care about the company’s agenda. Through literally thousands of “valuing” connections, Doug was able to establish a new direction for the company and build a lasting legacy.

As a CEO, you know you need information from the front lines and you only get the truth if you show real interest and concern.  A simple question, asked with the intent to learn, is empowering and highly motivating.  People knew Doug Conant cared, had high expectations, and was committed to getting them what they needed to do their job.  Doug knew that each of his interactions represented an opportunity to build or tear down confidence, to motivate or demotivate, to build urgency or create resistance.  Doug knew the power of positive connection, one person at a time, and demanded it from each of his managers.   

* Get out on the front lines and ask, “Why are we doing it this way?” 

Mark McKenzie, the CEO of Senior Care Centers, a large skilled nursing company in Texas, often asks, “Why are we doing it this way?”  He asks with the intent to learn, not to criticize.  He knows that as the company grows, which it is doing rapidly, it  will need new systems and new structures, and all of these need to be aligned with outstanding patient care. Mark is building a culture of asking WHY and getting everyone engaged in the joy of being heard, seeing things change, and measuring progress.  

* Get out to your farthest perimeters and ask the question, “How are we doing in living out our values?”     

Stanley Bergman, the CEO of Henry Shein, a 10 billion dollar global medical supply company, visits each company office at least once per year in every part of the globe.  He meets with the country leaders and the product teams. Yes, he has great financial controls and excellent budget targets for each country and each product line, but as he says, most importantly, it’s about connecting with the people. The questions he asks people are most often about the values and how they are being lived out.  He might ask a salesperson, “How are we doing as a company in living out our values to best support you?” He wants the truth and he communicates he is there to listen. His entire non-verbal message is, “I care about insuring you are getting everything you need to do your job well, and that we show you respect all along the way.” 

In every office he visits, he makes sure he and his top people make a connection with every person in the building when they pay a visit.  They leave no one out. He repeats continually a story of what Henry Shein is doing and will do. He is tireless in his commitment to showing respect to each and every person.  

Three questions, three stories. All with the intent of building high trust teams in the new connection economy.  Every interaction in the value chain either adds value or subtracts value.  Your job as a transformational leader is to model how each interaction adds value.   When observed, others will follow. 

The A-B-C's of Strategic Execution: Your Next Solution

As Commander of all NATO forces in Afghanistan, General Stanley McCrystal was in the business of creating strategies that worked. But in his appearance on the Charlie Rose Show, he confessed the true difficulty is not only in creating a strategy, but in getting BUY IN.

Coming from a general where subordinates are expected to repeat orders and execute, this might sound surprising, even disturbing.  In a classic command and control environment, you’d think it would be easier.  But as the general explained, execution is extremely difficult, regardless of how much positional authority you possess, and it requires contagious leadership. 

Here are three points that will help you as a leader evaluate how you are doing in moving from strategy to true BUY IN.  Let’s call it the A-B-C's of passionate execution.  

A:  Articulate the Strategy:  You must continually articulate the purpose of the company, the values you stand for, and the strategy you are pursuing to achieve your purpose.  In some cases a key part of the strategy itself may be all about supporting the culture you seek to develop and the core values undergirding it.  Stan Bergman, the CEO of Henry Schein, a  $9 billion dental equipment and services company, says that in many ways Henry Shein's culture is their core strategy.  They refer to it as Team Shein.  Stan visits over 140 locations a year talking about the Team Shein culture of respect, cooperation, and service, which is fundamental to the way Henry Shein serves a local dental practice.  Stan also lives the values, - he walks the talk - so his  words actually articulate his actions.   

B. Believe It:  You must demonstrate a soulish integrity that communicates, "I truly believe this is our future and we will win if we embrace our strategy."  In some cases, the best strategy is adaptability, so a leader can communicate, "This is the direction we are pursuing, and as we learn we will adapt."  In other cases, the leader can be certain that the strategy articulated is the strategy believed.  Why?  Because it has been time tested,  the company has continuous feedback loops, and the entire company is modeling the purpose and strategy.  I saw this in a large homebuilding company that delivers over 1200 homes across a 2000 mile span of territory.  As the president of the company, Dennis Murphy, said to me, "Opportunity follows strategy.  Strategy does not follow opportunity."  What he meant by this is that just because the company saw a new opportunity, it did not mean in any uncertain terms they were going to follow that opportunity.  The strategy had been time tested over years and the hard part now was sticking to the strategy and executing against it.  New opportunities were actually distractions to be avoided if they did not fit within the basic strategic framework of the company’s purpose.  

C.  Community Owns It:  In today’s world of knowledge workers, we don't just have hands that go out to implement our ideas.  We need hearts and heads to embrace our strategy, share it with others, and work on living it out in all of their thinking.  A strategy not owned by the community of stakeholders responsible for realizing the results is only a document in Drop Box and nothing more.  It must be a living document, owned by the community of all stakeholders, including each and every one of your employees, your suppliers, your shareholders, your customers, and the community you serve.  When a community of stakeholders owns the strategy, you know you are winning.  John Walsh, the CEO of UGI, a multi billion dollar energy company in Pennsylvania, told me he knew their strategy of uninterrupted service to customers was working when the drivers of propane trucks were telling heroic stories of how they delivered propane gas through some of the worst snow storms ever recorded.  They were proud of what they had done and they pulled a team together to make it happen.  These drivers could articulate the strategy, they believed it, and they owned it.    

The A-B-C's of strategy appear simple.  However, if you are in a leadership role, you know there are a thousand different ways you can mess it up.  Thus, the need to stay focused on the basics and keep asking, Have I ARTICULATED our strategy, do I BELIEVE IT, does our COMMUNITY OF STAKEHOLDERS own it?