As Commander of all NATO forces in Afghanistan, General Stanley McCrystal was in the business of creating strategies that worked. But in his appearance on the Charlie Rose Show, he confessed the true difficulty is not only in creating a strategy, but in getting BUY IN.

Coming from a general where subordinates are expected to repeat orders and execute, this might sound surprising, even disturbing. In a classic command and control environment, you’d think it would be easier. But as the general explained, execution is extremely difficult, regardless of how much positional authority you possess, and it requires contagious leadership.

Here are three points that will help you as a leader evaluate how you are doing in moving from strategy to true BUY IN. Let’s call it the A-B-C's of passionate execution.

A: Articulate the Strategy: You must continually articulate the purpose of the company, the values you stand for, and the strategy you are pursuing to achieve your purpose. In some cases a key part of the strategy itself may be all about supporting the culture you seek to develop and the core values undergirding it. Stan Bergman, the CEO of Henry Schein, a $9 billion dental equipment and services company, says that in many ways Henry Shein's culture is their core strategy. They refer to it as Team Shein. Stan visits over 140 locations a year talking about the Team Shein culture of respect, cooperation, and service, which is fundamental to the way Henry Shein serves a local dental practice. Stan also lives the values, - he walks the talk - so his words actually articulate his actions.

B. Believe It: You must demonstrate a soulish integrity that communicates, "I truly believe this is our future and we will win if we embrace our strategy." In some cases, the best strategy is adaptability, so a leader can communicate, "This is the direction we are pursuing, and as we learn we will adapt." In other cases, the leader can be certain that the strategy articulated is the strategy believed. Why? Because it has been time tested, the company has continuous feedback loops, and the entire company is modeling the purpose and strategy. I saw this in a large homebuilding company that delivers over 1200 homes across a 2000 mile span of territory. As the president of the company, Dennis Murphy, said to me, "Opportunity follows strategy. Strategy does not follow opportunity." What he meant by this is that just because the company saw a new opportunity, it did not mean in any uncertain terms they were going to follow that opportunity. The strategy had been time tested over years and the hard part now was sticking to the strategy and executing against it. New opportunities were actually distractions to be avoided if they did not fit within the basic strategic framework of the company’s purpose.

C. Community Owns It: In today’s world of knowledge workers, we don't just have hands that go out to implement our ideas. We need hearts and heads to embrace our strategy, share it with others, and work on living it out in all of their thinking. A strategy not owned by the community of stakeholders responsible for realizing the results is only a document in Drop Box and nothing more. It must be a living document, owned by the community of all stakeholders, including each and every one of your employees, your suppliers, your shareholders, your customers, and the community you serve. When a community of stakeholders owns the strategy, you know you are winning. John Walsh, the CEO of UGI, a multi billion dollar energy company in Pennsylvania, told me he knew their strategy of uninterrupted service to customers was working when the drivers of propane trucks were telling heroic stories of how they delivered propane gas through some of the worst snow storms ever recorded. They were proud of what they had done and they pulled a team together to make it happen. These drivers could articulate the strategy, they believed it, and they owned it.

The A-B-C's of strategy appear simple. However, if you are in a leadership role, you know there are a thousand different ways you can mess it up. Thus, the need to stay focused on the basics and keep asking, Have I ARTICULATED our strategy, do I BELIEVE IT, does our COMMUNITY OF STAKEHOLDERS own it?

In the NFL, trash talk is an art. As the Baltimore Ravens sack master Terrell Suggs says, "I have a master's degree and two doctorates in trash talk.”* Trash talk is the art of getting an opponent to lose focus on their most important task: playing the game with no distractions. Effective trash talk succeeds in it’s task of distraction. However the opponent responds — by getting mad, reacting with a smart retort, or just trying to get even — the trash talker effectively takes his opponent’s mind OFF THE GAME and OUT OF THE MOMENT.

As a leader, others can launch a sneak attack on you and talk trash when you least expect it. I remember when I was just ready to speak at a large public event, a supposed friend said to me, "You sure love all that attention don't you, when you speak." The remark was laced with contempt and startled me. It took me off my game, and I had to refocus quickly on exactly what I was going to say. The objective of the trash talker was for me to get up, stumble around, look bad, and sit down a bit humiliated. My "friend" could have then gloated over how poorly I behaved in front of others.

For a few moments I was hurt by the comment he made, and thrown off my purpose. Fortunately, I regained composure and said to myself, "There's something going on here I don't understand. I will have to address it AFTER I speak, but right now my responsibility is to the people in this audience to do a great job and deliver on my promise to them." I got up and thankfully nailed the talk. Afterwards, before the night was over, I said to my supposed friend, “Hey, I’m not sure what you were trying to communicate to me right before I spoke, but whatever you were trying to accomplish, I want to talk about, either now or tomorrow when you've had a chance to think about it." The person immediately apologized and said he was just kidding. Note to myself, of course: “This guy is jealous, envious, or just plain mean. Whatever the case, he's to be treated respectfully but with clear boundaries in the future. He damaged my trust.” The lesson here? When others do it to you, it’s not about you: it’s about them, and they’re trying to get you off your game. Don’t let them.

Self-inflicted trash talk, though, is more dangerous and is harder to manage. Your brain hits a trigger point of insecurity. Just at the moment you need to be your strongest — right when you are about to take an important leap and make a courageous decision — a small voice goes off inside your brain and says you are an idiot. "You know, you probably won't succeed with this and besides that, there are people out there who will react to your boldness. So back off. Don't think you can really do this." Or, "You are going to look terrible and people won't want to read or hear what you are saying." And, "You are just not that clever to keep people's attention."

There are literally a million different phrases and subtle emotions triggered in your brain — you know the ones you’ve already adopted. Sure, in some cases, it's not trash talk, it's wise self counsel. Learning to discriminate between wise self counsel or trash talk requires a well developed sense of self. When I practiced as a clinical psychologist, much of my work was helping healthy people figure out bold steps they wanted to take, making sure they weren't crazy to step out on a limb. In more cases than not, the trash talk was self-induced criticism based on old experiences that may have been helpful in the past but now serve as anchors and chains, holding back bold life-changing action.

So what is the best remedy to handle what you know is trash talk - either from someone else or from your own head?

Stay on the high road. Whether it’s another person or yourself, there is a low road and a high road. Your opponent wants you to engage in low road thinking - to take you down a path of self-doubt and questioning. It’s their strategy and their issue, not yours. You’ve just had your button pushed, the moment you engage them on their level, you lose.

Claim your best self. You have a vision of who you know you can be. Your best self stays focused on the game at hand.

When you start to get emotional, and you will because of you’re human, step back, literally take a deep breath, and envision who you are at your best.

Not getting hooked by trash talk is truly the art of a champion. It is learned over time. It is like engaging in combat with a boxer and using tae kwon do as your defense. You do not respond with force against force. You step aside and let the negative energy go right past you. You then use your advantage to put all your energy into moving forward with what you intend to get done. You do not get distracted, you do not question yourself, and in fact, you are even more inspired to step up to greatness.

** Picture from Washington post.com

*USA TODAY, 1/26/2014, Page 1 Sports